We have no claim on each other or our time away from each other. She has her own life and I mine. then why does it hurt so much when she has sex with other friends? I knew about them before we got involved. I thought I'd be better able to handle it.
I both want to and don't want to know when it happens. I think if we lived closer together and I was able to be there for her more frequently I would be better able to handle the jealously.
She knows this. We talk almost daily, She understands me and how I feel. She's known me most of my life and in some ways knows me better than I know myself. In other ways she doesn't know me at all. She does know me better than I do her. I look forward to learning about her.
Sex with W is amazing. She gives and she takes... Simultaneously. She makes me feel like a pornstar. I want her to leave scratches and bite marks, and all the other remnants of passionate lovemaking. But both of us know she can't. I live for the day she can do so.
I feel like throwing a bombshell on my current life and getting a fresh start. But I can't yet; for two reasons.
1: I hate scorched Earth policies. It kills everyone. Leaves no survivors. Everyone is a victim even the innocent.
2: I made a promise to W that I would work on my relationship with my girlfriend B. I am trying to, but every day it gets harder and harder to try.
I fall asleep and wake up with a woman whom I love and who loves me, but realize that I am no longer fully in love with.
I want to sleep & wake up with W. I hope she wants that too...
One last thing, I had the chance to spend time with W on her birthday last night at her parents house. Her un-boyfriend was there. He reminded me of a taller, more socially awkward version of myself. Hell we were both dressed alike. She didn't see it. But I do.
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