When we last left our intrepid hero (moi) he shared the good news of his impending fatherhood to the woman he loved more than anyone including his now preggers wife. This post is going to lay bare the depths of my heinous, embarrassing behavior, somethings that to the best of my knowledge is known only by myself and my equally guilty counterpart.
I'm not proud of what I did, quite the opposite, I'm ashamed, and apologize to my ex even though she doesn't know the extent of my failure as a husband. She deserved better than me, and maybe things wouldn't have ended like they did if I'd be more honorable.
Those who read this blog, if in fact there are any may be tempted to stop following me and to that I say I'd be sorry to see you go, even though I don't really know if anyone is out there besides me. I know I have one friend in RL that reads this and in part I had to clear my conscience, and I really didn't want to tell you these things. But you have to know them in order to fully understand me (something I'm striving for). Please stick with me. I'm hoping to use my Modus Operandi to better understand why I do the things I do. Kind of a mental self examination of patterns of behavior.
Why dear reader would he marry someone he didn't fully love? Good question. My wife and I were two of a kind, we were each other's second choice. It didn't mean we didn't love each other, we did very much. it's just that our true loves had been and were unobtainable, so we settled for each other and hoped for the best.
Now my wife knew that I was going to tell our good news to my heart's desire and despite some minor misgivings, agreed.
My friend was overjoyed on hearing the news. and since we had recently moved to an area not to far from where she lived, she became an occasional visitor/helper to my wife. Her husband traveled a lot on business and so she was left with time on her hands. Time she used to help us get ready for the twins.
Now during this time, shortly after we moved into the new condo, I was showing my friend the new digs. My wife was off with her mother somewhere and wouldn't be home for hours. Well feelings and nature took their course and in short time we were in my bed and screwing like rabbits. did I feel guilty? Hell yes, but not so much to stop banging each other. We were both hungry for some good sex and so we did.
We continued our affair up to and past the birth of the babies. She was in the waiting room with our families when I came out with the boys. she took photos etc.... My wife had had a C-section, and thus was rather groggy from anesthesia, and I was going to drive my paramour home and come back to the hospital, but "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry" and all that stuff. So I had to go home and change out of scrubs that I wore for the birth into more comfortable clothes, needless to say Once again we wound up in my bed screwing for all it was worth. All I could think about the whole night was how my twin sons should have been ours, not mine and my wife's. Add to the fact that it was her husband's birthday and she chose to be with me during the birth of my kids, rather than with her husband (who she suspected of cheating on her) spoke volumes to the then 20 something me.
Our affair continued through out the marriage and only really ended when my wife and I divorced two years later when her first choice became available to her. But that is a story for another blog.
In the parlance of the day (TL;DR: I cheated on my pregnant wife even on the night my boys were born.)
Friday, October 28, 2016
Always something there to remind me....
I mentioned in my first post about my burgeoning frustration with my live in GF, and that I'd go into more detail at a later date, that time is now.
I've been living with a woman for the past 6 years whom I'd always considered the love of my my, my first choice, the woman I wanted to be with. there was just one problem; I wasn't hers. When I met her in college many years ago, she was in a long distance relationship with a guy for a few years. they didn't see each other frequently, but her and I would make plans to do something only to have them cancelled at the last minute due him coming down unannounced. It was very frustrating to me and my fault for falling for woman not wholly available to me.
She got pregnant from a guy she met in the gym and married him, blowing me and her LDR BF out of the water. I was devastated. I went my own way and didn't talk to her for several years. I still loved her but lived with the fact that I couldn't be with her.
She was at my first wedding, and we saw each other rarely as couples, her and her husband and me and my wife. When my wife became pregnant a few years later the first person besides family I wanted to tell was her. We hadn't talked in a couple of years.
I found her mom at their old house and met her then 3 year old son, (first was a miscarriage) and her 6 month old newborn son. Her mom was getting ready to move, and if I had waited a few more weeks I might not have been able to find her. This was back pre internet, pre facebook, etc... Her mpm told me where she worked and I went to visit her. I stood there in the store watching her help customers for a while trying to get up the nerve to talk to her.
When I finally did, her face lit up up on seeing me, and for me all the old feelings came back in rush.
She was happy for us. and we began to keep in touch more and more.
Little did I know what awaited me in the very near future....
I've been living with a woman for the past 6 years whom I'd always considered the love of my my, my first choice, the woman I wanted to be with. there was just one problem; I wasn't hers. When I met her in college many years ago, she was in a long distance relationship with a guy for a few years. they didn't see each other frequently, but her and I would make plans to do something only to have them cancelled at the last minute due him coming down unannounced. It was very frustrating to me and my fault for falling for woman not wholly available to me.
She got pregnant from a guy she met in the gym and married him, blowing me and her LDR BF out of the water. I was devastated. I went my own way and didn't talk to her for several years. I still loved her but lived with the fact that I couldn't be with her.
She was at my first wedding, and we saw each other rarely as couples, her and her husband and me and my wife. When my wife became pregnant a few years later the first person besides family I wanted to tell was her. We hadn't talked in a couple of years.
I found her mom at their old house and met her then 3 year old son, (first was a miscarriage) and her 6 month old newborn son. Her mom was getting ready to move, and if I had waited a few more weeks I might not have been able to find her. This was back pre internet, pre facebook, etc... Her mpm told me where she worked and I went to visit her. I stood there in the store watching her help customers for a while trying to get up the nerve to talk to her.
When I finally did, her face lit up up on seeing me, and for me all the old feelings came back in rush.
She was happy for us. and we began to keep in touch more and more.
Little did I know what awaited me in the very near future....
Monday, October 24, 2016
Jury duty
Today I had to go into Riverside for jury duty. This experience has been enlightening about some aspects of my personality.
I have always self identified as an introvert. Parties with people I don't know tend to drain me. People who know me, havd seen me sitting on the side observing rather than being in the center of the action.
But recently I have been much more... I hesitate to use the term outgoing, but more open than usual to starting conversations with total strangers.
Today for example, while in line waiting to enter the court house, I struck up a conversation with a young nursing student & a guy who works construction. We all sat together and talked about a lot of things, and went out to lunch together. This activity surprised me. Because in the past, and all that distant past, I would have been absorbed in a book, my phone, what have you...
I don't know if it's subconsciously getting ready for my new job, my maturity coming through, or just me continuing to do things that scare me.
Whatever the case, it made what would have been a full boring day a bit more fun.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Love languages
A friend of mine let me know what kind of love language is important to them. I've heard about love languages before, but never really looked into the idea.
I decided to take a quiz and see where I fell on the scale; my results are below.
In looking at my languages in light of past relationships, I can see where there has been a huge disconnect in the languages I use to communicate and what I think my partners have needed. As this is the first time I have done something like this, I really have no idea what their results would be.
I might have to have my current partner take the quiz.
The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you very much on an emotional level. Learn more about your primary love language and how to put it to use next to the corresponding badge below.
In the same way, it will benefit your partner to know your primary love language in order to best express affection for you in ways that you interpret as love. Every time you or your partner speak each other's language, you score emotional points with one another. Of course, this isn't a game with a scorecard! The payoff of speaking each other's love language is a greater sense of connection. This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved romance.
If your partner has not already done so, encourage him/her to take The Love Languages Profile. Discuss your respective love languages, and use this insight to improve your relationship!
I decided to take a quiz and see where I fell on the scale; my results are below.
In looking at my languages in light of past relationships, I can see where there has been a huge disconnect in the languages I use to communicate and what I think my partners have needed. As this is the first time I have done something like this, I really have no idea what their results would be.
I might have to have my current partner take the quiz.
LOVE LANGUAGE PROFILE FOR COUPLES
Your Scores
| 8 | Physical Touch |
| 7 | Quality Time |
| 6 | Acts of Service |
| 6 | Words of Affirmation |
| 3 | Receiving Gifts |
Your Love Language Personal Profile
Interpreting Your Profile Score
The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It’s not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you.The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you very much on an emotional level. Learn more about your primary love language and how to put it to use next to the corresponding badge below.
Important to Remember
You may have scored more highly on certain love languages than others, but do not dismiss those other languages as insignificant. Your partner may express love in those ways, and it will be helpful to you to understand this about him/her.In the same way, it will benefit your partner to know your primary love language in order to best express affection for you in ways that you interpret as love. Every time you or your partner speak each other's language, you score emotional points with one another. Of course, this isn't a game with a scorecard! The payoff of speaking each other's love language is a greater sense of connection. This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved romance.
If your partner has not already done so, encourage him/her to take The Love Languages Profile. Discuss your respective love languages, and use this insight to improve your relationship!
Physical Touch
This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Receiving Gifts
Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
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Recommended Resource
The 5 Love Languages®
Falling in love is easy. Keeping your relationship healthy and vibrant? That’s more of a challenge—one that takes thought, time, and effort. So how can you keep love alive amid personal conflict, busy schedules, and pressing priorities?
In the #1 New York Times bestselling book, you’ll discover the secret that has already transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is thriving or on the verge, learning this revolutionary approach to communicating love will help you confidently express (and experience) deeper, and richer, levels of intimacy with your partner starting today.
The 5 Love Languages® reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that simply work.
“If we learn to meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we’ve ever felt.” —Gary Chapman
In the #1 New York Times bestselling book, you’ll discover the secret that has already transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is thriving or on the verge, learning this revolutionary approach to communicating love will help you confidently express (and experience) deeper, and richer, levels of intimacy with your partner starting today.
The 5 Love Languages® reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that simply work.
“If we learn to meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we’ve ever felt.” —Gary Chapman
Saturday, October 22, 2016
At night I go to bed, but I just can't sleep...
I guess it is time to get a bunch of things off my chest. I've been having a hard time sleeping the last couple of weeks and I don't know why. I have a lot of conflicting emotions these days and I don't know how to deal with them. Maybe writing them out and sending them out to cyberspace will help clear my head.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away.... I met and fell in love with a young woman. She was smart, vivacious, beautiful, sexy, and at the time I thought everything I would want in a partner. There was just one small problem; she didn't feel the same way about me.
There's a lot more about our relationship that I may get into from time to time, but let's fast forward to the present.
After a number of failed relationships on both sides, we reconnected a few years ago, and have been living together for the past few years. On the whole, it's been pretty good. But the past few months have been pushing me to the breaking point,and I don't know what to do.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away.... I met and fell in love with a young woman. She was smart, vivacious, beautiful, sexy, and at the time I thought everything I would want in a partner. There was just one small problem; she didn't feel the same way about me.
There's a lot more about our relationship that I may get into from time to time, but let's fast forward to the present.
After a number of failed relationships on both sides, we reconnected a few years ago, and have been living together for the past few years. On the whole, it's been pretty good. But the past few months have been pushing me to the breaking point,and I don't know what to do.
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